In the fall of 1998, a group of people from our hall made a $250 order of Super Soakers from EToys for use in our water fights. Although most of us had owned soakers at some point in our youths, this truly sparked our interest in the guns.

After some combat, it became very clear that some guns were obviously better than others. This (and our desire to avoid doing classwork) led to our first range tests. We later created a web site to report these results. As both our armory and battery of tests expanded, so did the web site.

Although there are many water fighters, most were strangely uninterested in performing these repetitive tests and compiling the resulting data. In fact, only Ed (with his love of quantitative data) and Carly (with her love of useless web sites) were willing to do this thankless work. Are they dedicated fans or bored losers? Read on to find out. (If you're lazy, losers is a pretty safe assumption.)

Ed Olson

Ed, who hails from Minnesota, has always been fond of water-related activities. "Sweet water," he said, washing his hands for the 37th time that day, "Cleanses all." Having Ed on your water fight team practically guarantees victory, seeing how he is usually unwilling to fully emerge from his room, fearing "tiny rug bugs" that apparently grow when the carpet gets wet. His tenacity is admirable. He has been known to crouch in his doorway, clutching a CPS 1500, for three or four hours after a truce has been declared.

When not suffering from crippling panic attacks, Ed likes to make others suffer for the pain of his childhood. "Make me go to church!" he exclaimed, strangling an unidentified victim, "She'll pay!"

Ed was recently granted release from a local mental institution, but he refused to leave, claiming that other patients had stolen his water guns, chair, and track ball. He declared that he would not leave until he had "punished the infidels sufficiently."

Ed has his own homepage here.

Carly Kastner

Carly, originally a New Jersey resident, has used water for over two years. She now considers herself an expert, though she has yet to earn her water equivalency degree. She's a tremendous asset to any water war team, thanks to her expertise: "You often see people who have no idea how to have a water fight. They'll be lying on the floor, convulsing uncontrollably. I have to say 'No! No! That's all wrong!' and spray them down with my gun. It really pisses off the paramedics, though."

When not complaining about EMTs, she is usually being beaten with a stuffed animal known as "Beatin' Dog". Beatin' Dog replaces a big iron wrench, which Carly said made her head "tickle".

She is currently serving a 4 year term at a Massachusetts Penal Institution for indecent Carly exposure. She's eligible for parole all too soon.

Carly has her own web page here. [NOTE: no longer active]